Gender Critical Autistic Voices - Fern's Interview

Fern is a "Desisted, but thinking of re-identifying as non-binary" Gender Critical person

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Name: Fern

Female

United States

Aged 25-34

Suspected/Self diagnosed autistic

Desisted, but thinking of re-identifying as non-binary.

I'm same-sex attracted and have been exclusively same-sex partnered all my life, but I don't use the term lesbian. I find that lesbians are very politicized no matter what side of the trans issue they're on.

What was your childhood and puberty like as an autistic person? Do you relate to today’s youth’s challenges or gender issues? If you grew up in today’s age, how do you think that would affect you and your sense of self? Do you think it’s easier or harder to be a child or adolescent in society today?

Puberty was traumatic. I cried about it a lot and I still remember the day of my first period clearly. I never related to other girls, and was ostracized often when I was younger, but I began to assert myself much more after puberty. When I realized I would never be like other girls, I felt much less pressure to conform and I began to scare off and laugh off my bullies. I relate deeply to anyone who questions gender and sex. If I grew up today, I would have identified as trans sooner. No, I do not think it is harder to grow up now, but the challenges are different.

Why do you think autistic people may struggle with identity issues, like Gender?

I think it's because autistic people, especially prior to diagnosis, are constantly striving to appear normal and act natural in order to fit in. No one wants to be rejected. For example, I've always had difficulty with body coordination, (although I have extraordinary senses and reflexes), so I mimicked others' movements and postures. I was often told by female peers and adults that I was too "manly" or "masculine", so I tried hard to conform, but I could never sustain it for longer than a few weeks. I would always revert to my old gender nonconformity because it was more natural. I didn't think there was anything wrong with how I was, but social rejection made it hard to be myself.

Do you think being undiagnosed autistic can lead people into searching for answers about themselves, and potentially stumbling into the wrong place for an answer?

Absolutely. This is definitely a factor in my case. It never crossed my mind that I could be autistic until I was in my late 20s.

Do you FEEL like a man/woman? Is being male or female a ‘feeling’? Does being autistic affect how you feel about yourself or how others perceive you? Do you think Interoception and Alexithymia (or any other autism traits) play a role in understanding yourself?

I have always felt male, and I have always felt very wrong in my female body. Even from the time of my earliest memories. I hate my female body. I hate being female. I think people dislike my opinionated and logical communication style, especially because it's quite contrary to feminine social conditioning. Alexithymia and interoception didn't seem like a problem for me when I was young, but as I've gotten to my early 30s, it is beginning to cause medical problems for me. I have extreme difficulty expressing my needs to medical providers. On the other hand, sometimes, I feel quite free and dissociated and I enjoy that very much.

Do you think searching for answers about yourself, and finding out you are autistic, is similar to the trans experience? Do you feel a kinship to trans experiences? What is the difference with our experiences? What age were you when you felt you had developed mentally and emotionally?

Yes, I think these experiences are similar. I personally think that the 'low support needs' end of the autism spectrum is very much the same as a gender identity. It's not something anyone can measure objectively, but others can still see you're different. Some might even say autism is made-up, which is similar to how some see gender identity. I don't necessarily feel a direct connection to trans experiences for any other reason. I'm in my early 30s and I do not feel mentally or emotionally developed or mature at all. I've been told I'm childish. I feel very ashamed about this, but I feel it's the real me. I'm a very immature and playful person.

Why do you think the cohort of patients in Gender Clinics has changed so dramatically in recent years and is now mostly young females? And many of them presenting with Autistic Traits?

I think this is because women are the primary enforcers of gender roles and stereotypes in developed countries. Women uphold patriarchy more than men, in my experience. Men and boys have been quite welcoming of my gender nonconformity most of my life. So, of course older women are going to exert extra pressure on girls to conform, and it makes girls feel inadequate to handle the prospect of life as a grown woman. Besides that, in traditional gender roles, men and boys get a lot more free time to play and explore higher concepts like debate, science, philosophy, etc, so they in that way, they almost get to extend their childhoods. I happen to enjoy these topics as well. By contrast, girls and women are groomed away from things like this in conservative families, and steered towards mind-numbing, menial things like housekeeping and child-rearing.

How did you become Gender Critical? How have you been affected by Gender Ideology? Is Gender Critical Transphobic?

Even though I never felt good in my female body, I was always gender critical, but my biggest "peak trans" moment was around 2012 when I heard of the show 'orange is the new black' and I saw how much praise my female peers were giving to a boring man in a dress. I felt like 'yawn-o-rama, what's so great about wearing dresses?' I couldn't believe they were praising something as regressive as gender role affirmation. Trans was always about keeping gender roles alive, while I always wanted to do away with them because they'd always made me feel trapped. I'm not interested in labels like "transphobic", and I don't use them. I still feel extreme sex dysphoria, partly due to sexism and partly due to other factors.

Have you been through gender distress and are now gender critical?

I have intense sex dysphoria. I hate being female. I hate my female body. It doesn't even feel like it's my body. I am critical of gender. I do not believe sex determines aptitude or predisposition for any personality trait or sense of style. I still have sex dysphoria because I want to have the body of a man. I want to experience life in the body of a man. I want to have the height, weight, deep voice, and sexual function of a male. This is something I have felt since early childhood (maybe 4 years old). I have never been diagnosed with gd.

Have you lost friends, family, or a sense of community, since being critical of gender narratives? How have people around you reacted to you being Gender Critical?

Yes, I used to have a large online community of friends and acquaintances online before I made my gc stance known. People sent me insults and threats. It doesn't bother me to be 'misgendered', and in fact, I like being referred to as male. I was blocked en-mass by my old online community on tumblr. I've been banned on Twitter for being gc. My life has been painfully lonely since then.

Do you struggle to find quality information on Autism and Gender that is not ideological?

Yes. I did some light research on this topic in preparation for a panel discussion at a convention. Most studies on the subject implied that it's related to 'Extreme Male-Brain' theory. I found that to be very male-centric and exclusionary of females with autism, but strangely validating of my own male feelings. It explains all the stigmatization I've experienced from females all my life. I think gender activists in science like to use vulnerable people as shields to protect themselves from criticism. This is shown in the black and brown stripes on the 'progress' flag with the objectification of people of color, and in the case of autism, we are no exception. I have never directly sought the help of an autism org.

Do you think Gender Affirming Care is another form of Eugenics? Do you think Autistic people are being targeted? Have you heard of Spectrum 10k and the backlash from the 'Autism Community' about claims of 'eugenics' and preventing the Autism gene from being passed on (screening pregnancies for autism)?

I do not necessarily think GAC is a form of Eugenics. I do not think autistic people are being targeted, but it happens that we are very susceptible to the ideology in this culture. I have not heard about Spectrum 10k. I've never had the desire to become pregnant, so I am unconcerned with this subject.

How important is an Autism diagnosis, and does it stop being important if someone is questioning their gender? Should Gender Clinics be assessing for Autism if they note autistic traits in patients? Should Autism Specialists be placed in Gender Clinics? Is addressing autism/mental health exploration in gender distressed individuals Conversion Therapy?

To question three, It would be very interesting if autism specialists were present in gender clinics. I think they might be able to help prevent many unneeded transitions. I do not think it's "conversion therapy" because I do not think anyone needs to transition, no matter how dysphoric. Not even a person with extreme 'dysphoria' like myself. The complications, risks, and potential harm of surgeries and exogenous hormones are too great and outweigh any imagined benefits. I do not think informed consent is being assessed properly. Society should rely more on preventive medicine and maintaining health, not allowing corporations to profit from society's chronic illnesses. No need for gender-related medical interventions; I think people like me just need to be able to be gender nonconforming and same-sex attracted without social stigma. I do not believe mental and social issues can be solved with surgery or covered up with drugs. That said, I do still fantasize about a seamless and smooth transition, without any negative repercussions.

What do you think the effects of Gender Affirming Care are on people questioning their gender/distress?

I think the effects of GAC on dysphoric people are varied. For me, I'm quite sure it would be something like this: I would initially feel amazing. I would feel empowered. But part of that power is not just from how I look and feel internally; it's also from showing the world what they pushed me to do with their social rejection. I would love to take out my anger and pain in this way to show my family, old church community, and society at large how their pressure to conform broke me. It's a form of self-harm that also externalizes the pain. Not to mention the complications, but those hardly matter to a person in severe emotional anguish, like me. I feel completely neutral about detransition. I think only truly dysphoric people should transition, and I feel strongly that people who have ROGD or short-term dysphoria are grifters and I don't relate to them.

Do you think Trans belongs under the ND Umbrella?

Trans as a label would only belong under the umbrella of neurodiversity if we think all neurodivergences are subjective and possibly false. It doesn't bother me too much. I exist, weirdness and all, no matter what the DSM or some college textbooks say.

Do you think it's OK to allow children or adults to transition? Do you think pausing puberty is OK to do?

No to all. I oppose most medical procedures, unless the possibility of iatrogenic harm is practically non-existent. I know that is a very unpopular opinion. I do not believe in denying the natural cycles of life and death. I oppose transhumanism, reproductive technology, and the industrial exploitation and pollution of our planet. For these reasons, I oppose corporate interests, much of the medical industry, and most forms of technology; I only use them because it would be much harder to stop by myself. But I minimize my usage and consumption of these things as much as possible.

What led you to Identify, Transition or Detransition? What things do you think contribute to Identifying, Transitioning or Detransitioning?

I identified as non-binary because I had been bullied many times by girls and women about being masculine and manly. I also hate femininity. I figured I should change myself, since the world wasn't going to change for me. Society still mostly adheres to gender, even in supposedly 'gender critical' spaces. I've heard so many 'gender critical' women defend femininity as natural and innate in females, that it's started to make me wonder if some people like me really are that unusual and 'queer'. That is why I'm thinking I might re-identify as trans. I think it would be more peaceful and enjoyable than bending-over backwards trying to find something in common with women who enjoy roleplaying femininity and doggedly claim it as natural.

As a Transitioner or Detransitioner, do you have a message you wish you could tell others? As a Tranitioner or Detransitioner, do you have regrets?

As a desisted woman who is thinking of re-claiming a trans identity, I wish I could tell more 'gender critical' people that: if society continues to perpetuate the narrative that sex-specific hormones are intrinsically tied to behaviors, styles, preferences, and proclivities, there will always be people like me, who do not fit those stereotypes, and they will always be thought of as unusual, odd, rare, or 'queer'. No one's hormonal composition dictates what their personality or potential will be. So perpetuating the myth that sex hormones directly affect behavior differences between males and females (rather than socialization affecting behaviors), is what actively gives life to 'queer' identities. I didn't 'queer' myself. Trans people didn't 'queer' me.

Gender conforming people 'queered' me long before I put a name and label to it.

As a Transitioner or Detransitioner, do you feel you had access to the right information/mindsets from institutions, or the people around you?

Of course not. The world is addicted to the lie that sex specific hormones (what some call biology, even though they always end up meaning hormones) are what make women 'feminine' and make men 'masculine'. The only right institution would have been a place where that lie didn't reign. People of both sexes can have any combination of personality traits.

Do you feel “safe” in “Safe Spaces”? Do you think Gender Critical is included in Inclusivity and Diversity spaces?

I feel safe anywhere. TERFs don't bother me. Trans people don't bother me. I can speak to anyone because I'm not a danger to them, and I believe I can reach them in a way that they won't be a danger to me. I see humanity in all people, and I want to continue to live that way for the rest of my life. I believe men have historically posed a threat to women due to socialization, not due to some biological, testosterone-fueled 'rape instinct'. Women are socialized to act submissive to/scared of men, not because estrogen magically creates a fear response to males. This gendered socialization creates a perfect recipe for a predator-prey dynamic. If you spend time with animals, you learn quickly that they can sense fear just like we humans can, and if you act scared, they often respond by acting aggressive. If we dropped the gender-role garbage and prioritized seeing the humanity in each other, the crime-rate wouldn't be so skewed, and probably a lot lower overall.

Do you think gender ideology frees people from gendered stereotypes or reinforces them? Why do you care about Women’s Rights or Single Sex Spaces?

Gender ideology reinforces gender stereotypes, but for some it can provide a superficial and temporary 'band-aid' solution. It may provide short-lived relief to people like me, but over all, I would prefer to abolish gender in the long term. People are very attached to gender, though, especially traditional people. Men who enjoy masculinity and women who enjoy femininity and defend it as natural and innate are the biggest obstacles, in my opinion.

Have you always been interested in Women's Matters or Feminism? Do you feel connected to women? Has this changed over time? Has any good come from Gender Ideology?

I have. I've had feminist opinions since I was a very young girl, but I didn't know these opinions were feminist. I only feel connected to women because I am female and have been subject to sexist discrimination. I do not feel connected to women for any other reason. I am not feminine and I do not think femininity is natural or innate, and have very little in common with most women.

The only good that has come from gender ideology has been the unintended effect it has of bringing the concept of gender abolition to the front.

Can you tolerate and respect differing views and beliefs? Do you feel your views and beliefs are tolerated and respected?

Yes, I love discussion, debate, thought-experiments, philosophy, and difficult concepts. I love to be challenged. I feel that people treat me like I'm very competent until they see that I'm small and female. Sometimes, men will still be interested in having debates and discussions with me, but most women find me 'rude' and 'intimidating' because of my direct communication style, so they often shun me.

How important are boundaries to you?

I have difficulty understanding boundaries, including my own.

Do you think Trans is a real thing, that Gender exists, or that it is Psychological or Mental Health Condition/Disorder or a Trauma Response? Or something else?

Trans and gender identity are all subjective and constructed by social interactions and the social contract. I do not think transgender identities should be affirmed. These are inevitable symptoms of the perpetual and toxic lie of traditional gender roles. What did trads think was going to happen if they forced people into tiny rigid boxes? People are all unique and amazing. Of course some of us don't fit into those ridiculous stereotypes.

Does your Sexual Orientation play into your past/present feelings towards Gender? Was any of your gender distress related to your Sexual Orientation?

Yes, being same-sex attracted and exclusively same-sex partnered my whole life has played a part in my feelings towards transgenderism. I was called many homophobic slurs at home and school as a teen, and I have recently realized that I went through some light conversion therapy at my parents' church in my teens as well. I felt I was irreconcilably different from all straight women, and perhaps more accurately, I felt like there was something deeply wrong with me. Hearing about other young women transitioning in my late teens and early 20s made me feel less broken and less alone. That's when I first realized transition was an option.

As a Homosexual or Heterosexual person, how has Transition or Detransition affected your sense of self, and relationships, as a homosexual or heterosexual person?

I always wanted to be male, in small part, because I wanted other women to be attracted to me. I don't think I would have struggled more to find a partner if I had transitioned. Women who are too close-minded to understand why I would transition have never interested me anyway.

Autoandrophilia has played a large part in my lifelong dysphoria. Almost nobody talks about this, but I think it's extremely important. I don't think it's purely, or even mostly, influenced by pornography. I had aap feelings before I watched porn (which I only did rarely anyway in my 20s). I think there's something very interesting happening in the homosexual aap/agp brain, and I'd love to see it studied more.

How have your current or past partners been affected by your Transition or Detransition? Do you worry about current or future relationships due to your Transition or Detransition?

My wife just wishes I was less concerned about what others think; she does not mind if I'm trans or not. She is very loving and supportive. I do not worry at all what would happen if I medically transitioned.

Has your Transition or Detransition affected your ability or experience of Reproduction or Parenting?

I have never wanted to become pregnant. My wife and I like kids, but we do not plan to adopt. If we ever did raise a child, I doubt being trans would affect my parenting, but I would not want my child to go through what I did with dysphoria and transition.

Do you think Women (or men) should be criminalised for wanting and trying to maintain Single Sex Spaces?

I do not think women should be criminalized for wanting single-sex spaces. Since many of them insist on claiming femininity and acting feminine (submissive to men), they should be able to have a safe place away from men who enjoy roleplaying masculinity (dominant to women). Meanwhile, society should be working to abolish gender roles and stereotypes so that the prey-predator dynamic between women and men can finally be done away with. Currently there are too many men who, due to their masculine socialization (which enables bullying), enjoy abusing, dominating, and intimidating women, so women are not safe to share facilities with men yet. But I firmly believe it doesn't have to be like this, if people would just work to abolish gender and gendered socialization.

What Rights are Trans Activists fighting for that other people have and they don't? Are Trans people being denied human rights that all other people are allowed?

Trans people already have all the human rights they need. I do not hate them at all, and I may soon consider myself trans again. I maintain this stance.

Were you/are you into Cosplay, Anime or Conventions etc? And what was your experience in these spaces?

I am into one anime series, and I have a special interest in one character in particular. I have been obsessed with this character for about 13 years. I wish I was accepted by my old fandom again, but they are completely captured by gender. They cancelled me in 2021 when I voiced my criticism of trans rights advocacy.

Do you think comedy is important when dealing with sensitive/hot topics like gender? Should Comedians be censored?

Comedy is a fantastic tool for maintaining perspective and resiliency. Discussion and debate are fun and I strongly oppose any kind of censorship, even the censoring of people with whom I disagree.

Is there anything else you’d like to say?

I have spent the time between 2021 and September of this year educating myself on feminism and women's liberation and volunteering with a women's right's group. I feel deeply disappointed with the insular culture of the 2nd wave feminists and how unable they are to see the need to tailor their messages to be more inviting to younger women.

I find myself doubting the significance of my work in feminism. I wonder if my energy would be better spent elsewhere. I also don't have any resources for working through my intense dysphoria, and it was really affecting how I felt about my work in feminism. I have no support at all, other than my wife.

For a person like me, it's just plain easier to leave that work and try to find some happiness for myself, and if that includes re-identifying as nonbinary or something else, then I am out of reasons not to do it. Because of this, I sort of regret posting my gender critical views in my old online community now.

Thank you for creating this survey. It helped me get a lot off my chest. I can tell you're a very thoughtful and open-minded person.

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