Autistic Interviews #Anonymous
I’m afraid for autistic youth believing somehow their bodies are wrong, need changing. Many detransitioners seem to be autistic
Welcome to Autistic Interviews!
Here you will find different Autistic Voices and Real Life Stories shared, each one unique and highlighting different lived experiences, whilst sharing a common ground: autism. Participants choose which questions to answer, in their own style, making each interview a totally authentic real life story!
Name: Anonymous
Age: 67
Sex: Female
Nationality: British
Diagnosis: Diagnosed autistic age 64 and Self Diagnosed
Why is diagnosis important to you?
It explained why my life has been shit basically! Life long mh problems, huge struggles to work. Conventional medical help never really worked in attacking my anxiety/depression. Ive spent my life thinking I was stupid, verging on evil at times BC of struggles with people. Felt a failure BC was sacked from job on MH grounds at 60.
Do you consider autism a disability/neurological disorder/mental health condition/developmental disorder/other?
It's a disability, that causes MH conditions.
Have you been diagnosed autistic but you don't think it's the right diagnosis? Or have you been misdiagnosed with other mental health conditions in the past that were incorrect?
No, I;m sure it’s correct
Is anyone else in the family autistic?
I think there are, but no one diagnosed or have ever talked about it.
How did you end up getting diagnosed autistic?
A GP who didn't know what to do with me when I told her at 62 I was very depressed, didn't know who I was etc etc. I'd been sent for diagnosis 25 or so yrs earlier. But the consultant sat in front of me and said he wouldn't assess me as I couldn't be autistic BC I had a job.
When and how did you realise you are autistic?
When I was diagnosed
For late diagnosed people, what effect did diagnosis have?
Basically my life has been ruined BC I didn't know. Many opportunities lost, always thinking I was somehow at fault.
Do you think getting diagnosed sooner would have had an impact?
Yes! I would have understood myself, understood limitations and how to protect myself. So so so much could have been different. I wouldn't have spend a lifetime thinking I was stupid, evil, failure, etc etc.
Do you tell people you're autistic?
Yes. So they can have an understanding of eg why I can't do things etc, or why I need to sit in certain places etc
Do you feel more confident expressing yourself/advocating for yourself since diagnosis?
Yes, four years on I do. Initially I didn't.
How has going undiagnosed affected you?
It destroyed my life in every aspect
Do you have any other mental health diagnosis?
Anxiety, depression
Are you medicated/ever been medicated?
Yes. Anxiety meds.
Have you ever had positive/negative experiences of mental health support?
I've had both. But lots of hints I can't have been trying if a particular thing didn't work.
Looking back in childhood, what were the signs?
Anxiety, stomach aches, huge variations In ability to learn which I didn't understand and caused me problems with teachers as they thought I wasn't trying. Always a one or two friend person, I could write for hours but don't have the energy.
In what ways did you feel similar/different to others in childhood/adulthood?
Difficult to explain. I felt isolated, alien ? Fit in but didn't. Life was always always difficult. Didn't understand how others seemed to sail through.
What was your childhood and teenage years like for you being autistic?
Hideous
If you could go back in time and tell child you anything, what would it be?
😭😭😭😭😭
Do you feel independent in life or do you rely on family or social workers etc for support?
Rely on husband
Do you have sensory issues?
Yes. Noise, children in groups agonising. The touch of some fabrics. Busy fabrics. Can't eat meat. Went vegetarian when 14 not BC of the animals, BC of the idea of eating dead flesh. Did eat fish. But now can't BC of an idea that stuck in my head. Bright lights.
Do you stim?
Husband says I sometimes rock. Bite fingers, trying to stop.
How do you think others perceive you and why?
I don’t know
Do you feel understood?
No. Far far more understanding re how autism can affect women, so called " high functioning" people
Do you mask/camouflage & how does this affect you?
Yes it exhausted me.
What is your biggest personal challenge you’re currently working on?
Mental health
What type of support do you feel you would benefit from?
Post diagnosis support. Autism specific support.
Are you in therapy/had therapy in the past?
Yes. Lots. Not available now, due to cuts.
Are you cis/hetero/LGBTQIA+ or Other? (Do you like/dislike these terms?)
I'm a woman. " Cis" is a meaningless term.
Do you think labels are helpful or not? (labels such as Autistic, LGBTQIA+, Disability, Woman, Man etc)
I’ve no problems with labels
Do you struggle with identity issues? (Autism identity/gender/sexuality/imposter syndrome/masking etc)
I've never liked being female. I think I would have thought I was non binary if young. Always been mildly gnc. I'm afraid for autistic youth believing somehow their bodies are wrong, need changing. Many detransitioners seem to be autistic.
What does gender & gender expression mean to you?
It's new words for personality. People being different.
If you had gender identity issues in the past, before you knew you were autistic, has anything changed about how you view gender identity now through the lens of autism?
Yes, terrified for autistic youth
Do you think autism is important to address when exploring gender identity issues?
Yes. Yes yes yes. BC of all the feelings autism can cause. Feeling different, not fitting in. Being gnc, feeling alien. Severe anxiety, disgust especially from puberty. It's criminal not to address
What do you think/understand about the overlap/link between autism and gender diversity?
I was gnc BC of autism.
Are you gender nonconforming? (What does being gender nonconforming mean to you?) Do you think anyone can be gender nonconforming?
Yes. I'd say I was/am stereotypical gender mildly non conforming. Not so much now. Don't wear make up, high heels, girly clothing. People assumed I was lesbian. 🤷 Anyone can be stereotypical gender non conforming. Gender stereotypes belong in the bin.
Do you ever wish you were neurotypical and why?
Yes. Life would be easier.
Do you have autistic/neurotypical friends?
Getting there.
What areas of autism studies/research would you like to see more of in the future?
Everything
Are you interested in/do you consider yourself Feminist/Environmentalist/Socialist/Gender Critical/Trans Ally/Humanist etc
Feminist, environmentalist, socialist, gender critical.
Political stance?
Left