Autistic Interviews #15 Alexandria
Welcome to the series of online interviews "Autistic Interviews"!
Here you will find different Autistic Voices and Real Life Stories shared, each one unique and highlighting different lived experiences, whilst sharing a common ground: autism. Participants choose which questions to answer, in their own style, making each interview a totally authentic real life story!
There will be more interviews being conducted in the future including more Autistic Interviews, Autism Family/Carers/Friends Interviews, Self Diagnosers who were assessed and told they are not autistic (what happens to them?!), and collaborative interviews with multiple autism folk answering questions together for a super interesting look at the spectrum!
If you, or someone you know, would like to take part in future, please email auntie-autism@mail.com to be alerted about and sign up for future interviews.
Views expressed in the interviews are the individuals, not my own.
Now, for the next interview in the series, here's Autistic Interviews #15 Alexandria:
Name: Alexandria
Age: 66
Sex: Female
Gender: Demigirl
Nationality: U.S.
Diagnosis: Diagnosed autistic age 65
Why is diagnosis important to you?
A few reasons (not in any particular order):
1. Allowing me to receive some benefits.
2. I have a lifetime behind me of people not believing me (about many things). Now I have some proof.
3. For myself, so I know I am not imagining things (having been gaslit about enough other things during my life
Do you consider autism a disability/neurological disorder/mental health condition/developmental disorder/other?
Autism is a neurological difference. It is only a disability because of how neurotypical society has been set up. Unfortunately, that disability is real.
Is anyone else in the family autistic?
I don't have anyone alive on my father's side, so there is no way to know there.
I brought it up with all my cousins and my brother (my only sibling), and no one has said anything about any of their kids or grandkids being autistic. However, my nephew and grandniece have been diagnosed with ADHD, and we suspect my brother also has ADHD.
How did you end up getting diagnosed autistic?
Spring of 2022, my nephew brought it up to me that he thought I might be, and have I ever looked into it. So, I started looking into it.
He suggested I connect with my county's Department of Aging and Disability. After questioning my doctors* and previous counselor*, they decided it was a probability, and the county eventually set me up with an assessing psychologist. Many conversations and tests later, I received my diagnosis, nearly one year ago.
* They never once brought it up to me though.
When and how did you realise you are autistic?
So, then I looked into it. Read everything I could. Took all kinds of online tests. Everything resonated. The answers to my weird and difficult life began to come. I filled eight pages with small print of memories and traits and thought patterns and behaviors.
What effect did diagnosis have?
It's been both a huge relief, as well as a huge source of sadness over what my life could have been had I known sooner (and had current understanding and acceptance of autism existed back then as well).
But I am finding community, and that has also been huge in such a good way.
Do you think getting diagnosed sooner would have had an impact?
This is such a big question.
I know my life would have been very different. Everything from relationships, employment, finances, housing, my career, my mental health. So much has been really difficult with everyone expecting me to be a super-person (I'm a high IQ, artistically talented Autistic, or what they call "twice-exceptional") when I could barely function with all the expectations put on me. That, and having been taken advantage of, in so many ways, over decades, often by people who supposedly loved me. And being put down or dismissed for not "succeeding" or for being poor.
Do you tell people you're autistic?
Yes.
I believe in Autistic advocacy and Autistic pride. Screw the stigma!
Plus, people already think I'm weird.
Do you feel more confident expressing yourself/advocating for yourself since diagnosis?
Yes.
Whilst waiting to be assessed did you feel like you might be wrong/crazy for thinking you might be on the spectrum?
By that point, I knew I was. I just wanted final confirmation.
Do you have any other mental health diagnosis?
Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
Undiagnosed, but I know for a fact: Situational Depression
Are you medicated/ever been medicated?
Not for mental health. Not pharmaceuticals.
The only supplement that works for my depression is L-Tyrosine
CBD helps with anxiety to a small extent.
Looking back in childhood, what were the signs?
I have pages (my memory is crystal clear), but it's too much to write down right now.
In what ways did you feel similar/different to others in childhood/adulthood?
Again, too much to write down right now
What were your childhood and teenage years like for you being autistic?
Again, too much to write down right now.
If you could go back in time and tell child you anything, what would it be?
You're Autistic. It means you have extra working synapses in your brain. There is nothing wrong with you. But you are going to have to navigate the world differently than most people.
When you are working at Fidelity in the early 1980s, invest in Magellan Fund. Investing is not just for old men in suits. Your older self will thank you for this.
Get advice about buying a house or condo when you have the opportunity to do so. Don't let your mother talk you out of it.
Don't put other people's wants ahead of your needs.
And finally, learn all about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and avoid those people like the plague, even if they seem nice at first.
Is your family understanding about autism/your diagnosis?
Somewhat. Again, brother and cousins and their respective families only.
They love me, but I do not think they get it.
My nephew gets it.
Do you live with family & do you think you will ever live independently and leave the family home?
I moved out on my own with roommates at age 17.
Do you feel independent in life or do you rely on family or social workers etc for support?
I have not only been independent, but when my dad died (when I was 22), my mother relied on me, both emotionally and financially, when I was in no position to do that. But I was not taught boundaries.
So many years later and I desperately need support, which I am barely getting.
Do you have sensory issues?
So many sensory issues. Sensitive to so many things, and yet textures are vivid, colors have more depth, some sounds are more beautiful and interesting...
And some things are difficult, especially lights being too bright and some sounds being too loud and/or irritation. Also prefer all my clothing be stretchy.
I have synesthesia, which I was aware of decades ago.
Do you stim?
Yep. I never knew it was stimming. And I'm not stopping now.
I can't understand how people can stand or sit still.
Do you have special interests/passions/hobbies?
Cats
Doing creative/artistic work
History/politics
K-Dramas
Treasure hunting in thrift stores, flea markets, etc.
I collect vintage Pyrex.
How do you think others perceive you and why?
A weird old person who seems young and has a good sense of thrift-store style.
If you could change/improve something about yourself what would it be and why?
I would change significant outside circumstances.
I like myself as is, though.
Do you feel understood?
Rarely.
What would you like to say to neurotypicals?
Get over yourselves. Be honest for once. Speak clearly.
(also thank you to those of you who are cool with neurodivergence)
What would you like to say to other autistics?
Hello!
Do you mask/camouflage & how does this affect you?
I never really masked in terms of being myself.
However, the form of masking that says "I'm okay" when I'm not – That I am working on.
What are the Positive and Negative experiences of masking
Nothing positive.
What is your biggest personal challenge you’re currently working on?
Having been denied sufficient employment during much of my working life, I am really struggling with the financial aspects of being older and low income. Sufficient housing is a big one.
Are you cis/hetero/LGBTQIA+ or Other? (Do you like/dislike these terms?)
Oddly enough, demigirl and demisexual, but otherwise straight.
My nephew calls it "near queer”
Do you think labels are helpful or not?
Yes.
Do you struggle with identity issues
Nope.
What does gender & gender expression mean to you?
I never felt like I was fully female according to societal norms, and I'm definitely not male. So the demigirl label for me is that I fluctuate somewhere between female human and agendered small creature.
Do you think autism is important to address when exploring gender identity issues? Why/why not?
Not sure yet.
How important is autism identity/gender identity to you?
Autism is extremely important to me.
My gender identity comes in third (my ethnicity is second).
All are important to me.
I have no idea if they are linked.
What do you think/understand about the overlap/link between autism and gender diversity?
Not sure yet. It's all still too new, having just been diagnosed last year.
Have you any insights/views on gender nonconformity, gender expression, autism expression and the relation between them?
Not at the moment.
Are you gender nonconforming?
Yes. Totally GNC. Demigirl. I do not often relate to things "womanly".
I have only even known how to be myself, as difficult as that has been.
Are you employed?
I am part-time employed (teaching) and also part-time self-employed (graphic design). I am damn good at the things I do and am appreciated for it but have extreme difficulty gaining new clientele or full-time employment when I could.
Have you had positive/negative experiences in school/employment due to autism/acceptance/ableism/misunderstandings?
Was not diagnosed until years later. School was hard, I was an outcast kid, but this is too much question for the moment
What support do you think you/autistic people need to find/keep employment?
We need an Autism Chamber of Commerce.
Does your employer/colleagues know you are autistic?
Yes.
My part-time employment is at an Autism organization.
Do you mask in education/employment?
No masking.
Do you have accommodations made for your autism in education/workplace?
Yes.
Do you struggle or excel in school/employment?
School was a whole other story. Too much question for now.
What areas of your life do you wish you could improve?
Too much question for the moment.
I wish housing was affordable. I need an in-home painting studio. Apartment rents are through the roof.
What challenges do you face when trying to connect with others?
I'm okay in this regard.
Are you Introvert/Extrovert?
Introvert. INFJ.
How do you feel about being autistic?
Proud.
Do you ever wish you were neurotypical and why?
Nope. I wish society were different.
Do you have autistic/neurotypical friends?
Most of my people are either Autistic, ADHD, LGBTQ+, and/or open-minded.
If 60% of the population was autistic, what positives and negatives do you think there would be?
Too much question, but a fun one to think about
Thinking about autism research and studies, what questions do you think the professionals should be asking?
What can neurotypical society do to accept, understand, and support Autistic people?
What areas of autism studies/research would you like to see more of in the future? (For example, studies on the effects of masking/rates of unemployment/support for adults/late diagnosed/support in schools/co-morbid mental health links/gender overlap)
Everything you mentioned.
Are you interested in/do you consider yourself Feminist/Environmentalist/Socialist/Gender Critical/Trans Ally/Humanist etc
Pretty much all of those.
Political stance?
Very much Left Wing. Not stupid, though. I fully support the Biden/Harris ticket against authoritarianism. I understand political reality.
Anything else you’d like to say?
This was like having a therapist appointment (I really just want one to talk to these days). Lots of good questions, but this already took up two hours and my cat is hungry.
Anyway, too much "think" for the moment.
Thank you Alexandria for your voice and the lovely comment! I hope your cat enjoyed their dinner 🙂
Each day there will be a new interview published here so stay tuned for another autistic voice tomorrow…